Apple Fest

Well saturday night kicked so much serious ass, went to the apple festival (local fair thing) me and sambo left at about 6 or so and didnt get home until midnight. hung out with some friends and in general just had a kick ass time. -nods- so yes my days have taken a more pleasant turn since then although my throat is still killing me! gah I hate it I was going to go to the doctor today but I talked mom out of it, I hate doctors.

moods..

So yeah, I'm kind of sinking into one of my moods again. One of those Leave me the fuck alone so I can brood moods. I don't really know why I guess I've just had a lot to think about lately. I'm changing so much so quickly it's scaring me, I don't feel the urge to spend so much time online, I can't stand being home, mainly because of the adults in my life, even my friends are changing. It's like just when my life got to a tolerable point, someone decided to shake it all around. You ever notice how, when your looking at a situation and you know almost nothing about it, it looks so great; and then you start gathering facts and suddenly you would just rather back away slowly and forget about it? well maybe you have but I see that all the time, theres no such thing as a normal relationship anymore; everyone has so much emotional baggage and they expect you to deal with it, I don't know how we do it.

But anyway, enough of that I can depress myself about that later. Why is it that every time a situation can get worse it always does, not only does it feel like I'm dieing inside, but I feel like it on the outside too. I woke up this morning and my throat had swollen almost completely shut, I could barely breathe, it took me two hours of gulping water and cough drops and even a lemon to get my throat to calm down enough for me to talk regularly.

So yeah, right now my life is sucking, at least sams here, if nothing else ill end up laughing my ass off before the days over.

And on this I shall leave on a qoute from a greenday song I'm sure you all know, and one that kind of describes how im feeling lately.

" I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone "

oi...

Oh my Freaking God, I am so exhausted right now it isnt even funny. I mean not that its ever really funny...now that I think about it I dont understand that saying, everytime you say it the original subject wasnt funny anyway..if that makes any sense to anyone I commend you for deciphering justin speak.

Anyway, I'm just bored so I thought I would update this thing seeing as how its been a few days. So lets see here, Monday I had an FFA competition that we won, I placed ninth from our school out of like 40 some, which..isnt bad but isnt good enough so I'm kind of frustrated about that. Then Tuesday we had the Farm Science Review trip which is always fun and gets me out of a full day of classes, I came home with a necklace and a giant "walking" stick (I call it my jesus stick because I had to sit through a religious lecture to get it) which we all just ended up using them as monstrous beating sticks which we inflicted much pain on each other with. Then there was today which today was fun, in an almost boring sort of way because nothing to extraordinary happened and I'm just still exhausted from monday and tuesday.

Well tomorrow I'm going to a volleyball game with Sam, then friday I'm probably just going to stay home or spend some time with the family who knows when it comes to me I'm a pretty spontaneous guy (yeah right). This weekend I might check out the Apple Fest which is a local fair thing but I'm not really sure right now.

woo hoo!

thats right people I got my car's brakes fixed this morning! hell yeah! I don't have to drive the explorer anymore!:-D now not that there is anything wrong with the explorer or anything but damn I put $40 dollars in the gas tank which almost filled it up, and I ran it all week and it had less than a quarter of a tank and I'm to fricking poor for that kinda cash so I'm pretty glad to have my little four cylinder back! -happy dances with lots of booty shaking-

Update

Okay so yeah, my grandpa had an artery that was 99% blocked and he did in fact have a heart attack, but they cleared the artery and assuming nothing happens (which may be assuming alot) he gets to come home monday. Well everyone who is looking to me for information on sam, he is back in Vinton, and he will be back in school as soon as humanly possible (pending some legal arrangements by his guardians).

So this week has been a hell of a long one, I mean wow, had someone told me my grandpa was going to have a heart attack and nearly die I would have slapped them in the face and asked them where there hiding the drugs....yes im kind of hyper but extremely tired at the same time, confusing I know. I've noticed something, reading back over my blogs, I have absolutely no problem making my emotions and feeling's clear in text and writing; yet I seem to be humanly incapable of voicing these emotions and feelings in a conversation, excepting again, sam. I can tell him about anything and not have to worry about it circulating to everyone and their brother.

I did in fact pass my drivers license test thank god. If I had failed it burke would have never let me live it down. Gas is going to kill me! I put 20 dollars in my little plymouth 2 door and it only gave me a little more than half a tank! I'll have to whore myself on the corner for gas money! lmao anyways, I'm gonna go, have fun but not to much and always remember, kids in the back seat cause accidents, but accidents in the back seat cause kids!

My wake up call..

so tonight my grandpa is helping me with my room, putting trim up, and he tells me to go ahead and head back to grandma's to eat and that he would be down after he finished getting all of his tools rounded up. this isnt so odd, i knew he wanted to smoke before coming home..(stupid habbit, i hate that he does it but if i had to put up with my grandma 24/7 id have to smoke or drink too) so i head down to grandmas, and he comes down maybe twenty minutes later gasping and complaining about chest pains. he has COPD from the aforementioned smoking so he thought if he rested a while it would get better. well it didnt.

so they took him to the hospital, i got a call (having stayed home to prevent fighting with grandma for reason's i wont go into on here) they think he is in the beginning stages of a heart attack and there admitting him. lovely.

I should explain my wake up call, I should have seen it, he's been dieing for years now, his lungs slowly getting worse. but my grandpa has always been my male rolemodel, seeing as how my father is mostly absentee.. i guess in my eyes grandpa was invincible, he couldnt die. well..guess what..he is, if it isnt this heart attack, it will be the next. or possibly lung cancer or hell maybe just the COPD mayber he'll just drop over dead...god..hes not even 60...if your reading this, and you smoke. please stop..if not for you then for the people you love and the people who love you.. watching you slowly kill yourself kills them inside, believe me..im feeling it right now.

now tomorrow..ill get up..take a shower, brush my teethe...go to school..put my happy face on and pretend nothings wrong, the few friends i tell what happened too, ill tell them in a non chalant way so they'll think nothing is wrong, and i'll be hating myself for it, slowly regressing back into what i dont want to be, just shutting everyone out.

yeah my grammar on this sucks, I just dont care right now..but im going..have a great night everyone..i know i wont.

rodeo

Woo..Hoo..I went to a local rodeo tonight, yes the kind with a cows with the really large horns. It was actually pretty entertaining and I liked it reasonably well might go again to the next one. So yeah, saw an old friend that I probably havent talked to since grade school and she's a freshman this year, so I caught up with her and her mom for a bit. Probably spent more time talking to her mom because she wandered off with some girls from school that I barely know and honestly dont like all that well so I didnt follow them to chat, instead I sufficed myself with catching up with her mom, which was fun in its own I guess. It was actually nice running into them and catching up, they were fun back when I got to talk to them regularly, who knows I might again.

As for the actual rodeo it was mildly boring, no one got hurt or anything and there were only three qualifying rides. (qualifying ride = 8 seconds) so yeah, but I mean, honestly what isnt funny about a rodeo clown running for dear life in front of a 2000 plus pound bull? I swear those guys either have to be really brave or just straight fucking crazy to ride those animals. The clowns just have to be insane I think because honestly, the things already pissed, then your going to provoke it into chasing you, wow..-shakes head- I know one thing, I'm too fat and too slow to ever consider that and not to mention im not that stupid or brave.

I got a shot of hope tonight, The announced that deputy heaton would be one of the bull riders (Deputy heaton = taller version of pee wee hermon with a deeper voice) but he chickened out before his ride...pansy.. :-| I would have loved to see him get on a bull and then get bucked off. I know thats mean but come on..imagine pee wee hermon on a Bull...yeah your laughing now arent you? thats what I thought lmao well thats about all I have to ramble about right now sooooo toodles.

Exasperated

So yeah I have been having some issues with my comp lately. It keeps crashing on me and its becoming very frustrating. So since when does the fact that I'm a guy mean that I have no self control? I'm like a puppet anymore I do my dance and then I get put back in the closet till I'm needed again. It's frustrating when people try to control you against your will. But anyway I'll not rant on that for now. So yeah life is kind of frustrating for me right now, I'm constantly nerbous about my license test wednesday. There are other things haunting around my mind, torturing me right now..but I don't think I want to share them, perhaps I'm worried I'll offend someone...who knows...well until next time..may the force be with you