My wake up call..

so tonight my grandpa is helping me with my room, putting trim up, and he tells me to go ahead and head back to grandma's to eat and that he would be down after he finished getting all of his tools rounded up. this isnt so odd, i knew he wanted to smoke before coming home..(stupid habbit, i hate that he does it but if i had to put up with my grandma 24/7 id have to smoke or drink too) so i head down to grandmas, and he comes down maybe twenty minutes later gasping and complaining about chest pains. he has COPD from the aforementioned smoking so he thought if he rested a while it would get better. well it didnt.

so they took him to the hospital, i got a call (having stayed home to prevent fighting with grandma for reason's i wont go into on here) they think he is in the beginning stages of a heart attack and there admitting him. lovely.

I should explain my wake up call, I should have seen it, he's been dieing for years now, his lungs slowly getting worse. but my grandpa has always been my male rolemodel, seeing as how my father is mostly absentee.. i guess in my eyes grandpa was invincible, he couldnt die. well..guess what..he is, if it isnt this heart attack, it will be the next. or possibly lung cancer or hell maybe just the COPD mayber he'll just drop over dead...god..hes not even 60...if your reading this, and you smoke. please stop..if not for you then for the people you love and the people who love you.. watching you slowly kill yourself kills them inside, believe me..im feeling it right now.

now tomorrow..ill get up..take a shower, brush my teethe...go to school..put my happy face on and pretend nothings wrong, the few friends i tell what happened too, ill tell them in a non chalant way so they'll think nothing is wrong, and i'll be hating myself for it, slowly regressing back into what i dont want to be, just shutting everyone out.

yeah my grammar on this sucks, I just dont care right now..but im going..have a great night everyone..i know i wont.