Fucking Nonsense
I know its been a hell of a long time...and now I'm updating because I need somewhere to siphon my feelings.
Yes, contrary to some people beliefs I do still have them, and their really fucked up right now. I swear this day has sucked so much ass it isnt even funny. I woke up exhausted, spent the rest of the day exhausted. managed to snag a few hours of sleep, before heading back down to Jeff's for an hour or so, then came back home to a really fun experience. My Grandpa, god bless him, he keeps trying to rationalize my cell phone and how I bought a $200 phone just for "some god-damned games" which werent on the fucking phone to begin with. scene two, Grandma makes idle comments all night about how I have horrible friends and I should just be a hermit who stays at home in his room all day...hell I'm not far from that now. I get away for the weekends..with the exception of this saturday where I had to spend the entire day with mom and grandpa and there constant bitching about the above mentioned cell phone. so back to today, I survive the day, exhausted and drained. I then get on yahoo, expecting to spend an hour or two chatting with some friends, boy could I have been more wrong; so I fight with yahoo, only to get online and find myself in a different kind of fight. Apparently my near constant depression while at home is affecting my friends. Apparently I don't care anymore, apparently I don't talk as much and I guess it just isnt appreciated.
Man I'm an ass, its not the first time I've been depressed and shut people out..I do it all the time, to all my friends, except I guess this time I feel the need to defend it for some stupid reason or another.There really is no defense for ignorance..and thats what it seems this issue boils down too. I'm to ignorant to see when I'm pushing people away. I do it every damn time..youd think sixteen years into this fucked up life I'd recognize when I'm losing the one really good thing, the one really good person, whose helped me get through more than anyone else..I think I came really close to losing her tonight..and that scares me..how much longer can she put up with me? how long can someones patients for something so trivial last? either way..I've got some work to do..a lot of soul searching...a little organizing of the thoughts...hopefully she'll hang around till thats done..and maybe I'll straighten myself out..heres hoping.
Yes, contrary to some people beliefs I do still have them, and their really fucked up right now. I swear this day has sucked so much ass it isnt even funny. I woke up exhausted, spent the rest of the day exhausted. managed to snag a few hours of sleep, before heading back down to Jeff's for an hour or so, then came back home to a really fun experience. My Grandpa, god bless him, he keeps trying to rationalize my cell phone and how I bought a $200 phone just for "some god-damned games" which werent on the fucking phone to begin with. scene two, Grandma makes idle comments all night about how I have horrible friends and I should just be a hermit who stays at home in his room all day...hell I'm not far from that now. I get away for the weekends..with the exception of this saturday where I had to spend the entire day with mom and grandpa and there constant bitching about the above mentioned cell phone. so back to today, I survive the day, exhausted and drained. I then get on yahoo, expecting to spend an hour or two chatting with some friends, boy could I have been more wrong; so I fight with yahoo, only to get online and find myself in a different kind of fight. Apparently my near constant depression while at home is affecting my friends. Apparently I don't care anymore, apparently I don't talk as much and I guess it just isnt appreciated.
Man I'm an ass, its not the first time I've been depressed and shut people out..I do it all the time, to all my friends, except I guess this time I feel the need to defend it for some stupid reason or another.There really is no defense for ignorance..and thats what it seems this issue boils down too. I'm to ignorant to see when I'm pushing people away. I do it every damn time..youd think sixteen years into this fucked up life I'd recognize when I'm losing the one really good thing, the one really good person, whose helped me get through more than anyone else..I think I came really close to losing her tonight..and that scares me..how much longer can she put up with me? how long can someones patients for something so trivial last? either way..I've got some work to do..a lot of soul searching...a little organizing of the thoughts...hopefully she'll hang around till thats done..and maybe I'll straighten myself out..heres hoping.
posted by Unknown at 11:53 PM
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