Nobody knows..

So yeah...I've had a long weekend, which turned out to be more stressful than I planned it to be. I planned on using this weekend to rest from my week of hell. I had some dreams this weekend, dreams I wish I wouldn't have had.Is it possible to develop feelings for someome you don't even really know? Is that possible? Thats possibly the stupidest thing I've ever been through, Dream one thing about one person and suddenly I'm filled with all of these feelings of guilt for something I don't think there is even the remotest chance in hell of happening. Maybe I'm just fucked in the head, maybe its impossible for me to have a normal relationship with any of my friends. I don't know, these headache pills have got me all screwed up, one minute I'm happy and fine, the next I'm near suicidal, and then I move straight into pissed off.

What a great friend I am, he'd never forgive me if he knew what I was feeling. he will remain nameless because I just want to avoid that whole painful series. It's not right, why do I always feel this way? so much guilt over something that hasn't even, and probably never will, happen. man, Life's a bitch...a royal bitch. I thought all was well with me and my life, everything's actually taking a turn for the better lately, but why am I still depressed, why does everything still get me down?..So this weekend has been about guilt, grief, fucked up dreams, and most of all, how much one little thought can rack my conscious with thoughts of guilt and agony...fun times..

" In just eight hours, they'll be laying flowers on my life. It's over tonight. I'm not messing no I need your blessing and your promise to live free, please do it for me........."