I'm Baaack

Well, I did stop posting here, but I'm back, missed it I guess. For once in my life I'm happy....I've got an absolutely wonderful girlfriend, tiff has been the one person I can count on to make me feel better, even when I have a messed up arm with pins sticking out of it... I now know who my real friends are, I saw who I could count on through thick and then with this ordeal.. Sure my right arms a little messed up but I'm getting back to normal. So this is just a warm up Blog I guess, getting back in the swing of things.

back again..

So I'm not so much hating life anymore, I'm just kind of here, not really happy with it, but not so much depressed lately. God this has been a long week, and its only wednesday, Sam has managed to get himself in more trouble than he ever has before. I have to work later, I'm noty really sure why I'm blogging right now..I guess I'm just kind of confused right now, about my feelings, about my friends, about everything. I'm also bored, and I was here, so I thought..what the hell?..might as well. I'm just gonna stop now..nothing I can say that will make any of this make sense..

I hate life...let me tell you why..

so yeah..this was a complete and total mental break down...and...in all honesty..i just dont want to think about it..some im editing it..and moving on..ive found something better now..plus really loving the job actually...and im doing good..so this post is gone..

so...yeah...

so...yeah....I'm starting to realize that I like this girl. I'm not going to post her name on here, because she does on occasion read my blog, and also, quite frankly I'm lacking the balls right now. It's funny, I didnt even realize that I liked this girl, until me and sam were talking a few nights ago, and he asked me if I liked her, I guess he could just tell by how I was talking about her or something.But when he asked me, I started to just say no...and then it hit me, the crushing realization that I did indeed like this girl. I'm not really sure why I'm even blogging about this, it seems really stupid..but it is what it is. Thanks for your time everyone.

FUCK

God Sam can be such a fucking jackass sometimes, and right now I dont give a flyring fuck if he reads this and gets pissed off. I swear, I enjoy drinking just as much as any person, sure I've had those moments where I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore, but who hasn't? Most of the time its just good fun, but when I have to not only lie to my mom but lie to the person whose house im going to to get drunk, theres something wrong. I mean yeah I would love to go up there and get fucking hammered and pass out in the god damned yard for fucks sake but theres just too many loose ends for me. I actually give a damn about my future and if I get caught drunk out of my mind in chilicothe all my freedoms I have now would be out the window. He thinks my mom would just get over it like she does most of the things I do, but thats because I don't get caught doing really stupid shit! The reason I dont get caught doing really stupid shit is because I dont take stupid risks, like telling my mom im staying at someones house who I barely know, and find someone to pretend to be my mom, to lie to her mom, and then get wasted in front of the woman im lieing to! Hell I wouldnt even be able to properly enjoy being wasted because I would be so Fucking worried about getting caught!...gah...needless to say its very unlikely that ill be going on this trip, and also if you just waded through all that foul language and poor grammar, thank you, for your probably one of the few who care about my mental stability.

Shitty Week

So yeah, for me and sam, this has been a very..very fucking long week. I dont think I've been this emotionally unstable in quite some time. Today actually wasn't that bad, grandpa and me went to Marvin's, he had a heart attack and lost all use in his left side...he's slowly getting it back though. We went down there to fix a hay bailer, we fixed everything but the Pick up thingy. It was fun, I havent worked that hard in years, but it served the purpose of keeping my mind off of the bad things of this week.

So, a lot of bad this week, countered by very little good makes for a very depressed and pissed off Crawford. I'm not going to go into specifics...But some of my friends have gotten themselves stuck in a really shitty place. I don't know, I'm not going to judge or impose my oppinions on here, I just know one of my best friends is hurting..and it drags me down. I'm not complaining about that I wouldnt have it any other way. I don't know..but on top of it all, I had some plans that all fell to shit this week, I was pretty depressed tuesday and wednesday..and I asked a question..when I knew the answer would just make it worse...and guess what kiddies..the answer did indeed make it worse. So all week I have been festering with these emotions and stupid shit, I kind of hoped putting at least some of it here would help me get it off my chest. Only time will tell, I am going to go now, for I have nothing more to add, except maybe just this lyric, so with this, I leave you again. Peace be with you.

Ashley Parker Angel -Let You Go

Broken promises
But you don't really mind
It's not the first time and you know it
Don't you know
Tell me why it is you only smile inside
But when you break me into nothing
Don't you know
It's not like I haven't tried over and over again
Stupid fights, wrong or right
Goodbye

friends

Have you ever noticed that your friends have an amazing capacity to piss you off? Its like I can hear anything from any regular asshole and not be phased or affected but the moment one of my friends does something, and sometimes its something so unbelievably stupid, I just lose it. Its because they know when they have pissed you off, and well this is the case with my friends anyway, they dont back off, they dont leave you be or give you time to cool off, they just keep pressing the matter and I cant fucking stand it. But hey, can't live with 'em, can't get away with murdering them. So I guess that means I'm stuck with them for the moment....Now I remember why I fucking hate life sometimes.