A new beginning

-it takes a real man to type in pink- okay yeah so I'm in slightly higher spirits than you my precious reader are used to seeing me in. However, I do believe I'm in the beginning stages of a flu or something, whatever it is its thoroughly kicking my ass. but yeah, I'm kind of bored, really tired and thinking about going to bed..at..9 -shudder gasp- I really must be dieing. see that..that was a joke, I know you don't see many of those from me here, now if you actually hang out with me you might hear them alot, but in all honesty I've been pondering why exactly I made this litte window into my soul. I've come to the conclusion that this is my out, this is were I go when I have no one else or no where else to turn to. I don't mean to offend any of my dear friends that have indeed been there for me on multiple occasions over the years when I needed them most.

So, I see now why this place is so full of my more tragic moods, because, when I'm happy I don't need an out, I can share that mood with anyone. However, sharing grief and pain is something I can't seem to do well, so I come here, thinking "Well, not many people read it just sam, jenn, maybe britt and lisa every once in a while, but I know I can trust that lot". So then why not just tell them instead of putting it here under the prying eye of just about anyone who might stumble upon it?

Well I personally think this is my own first step towards really letting people in, I know the likelyhood of some random joe nobody stumbling drunkenly into my blog is little to none, however that chance is still there. That someone that stumbles in is going to know some of my deepest darkest little secrets, so in a sense, this blog, and the information therein is my babysteps, small improvements, me slowly opening up to people. If you know me you know I have a problem with letting people in, very few people can honestly say they know how my mind works, and you, whomever you may be, can count yourself among them, because you, as you read my entries, see my mind, my conciousness at its strongest and weakest points.

Does this mean the next time I see sam I'm going to drop all my stuff and enter into a manly embrace...well probably but just because me and sam are goofballs like that. But anyway, I'm signing out for the night so, have fun everyone, lead happy and peaceful lives till next we meet.