I Need.....
Have you ever wondered how much you really mean to those around you? How you affect their lives on a daily basis? I know I haven't until recently anyway, I've always felt that I belong with my friends; that they want me around just to have me there. Lately I'm starting to doubt this, lately I've noticed that many of my friends..not all of them..but many are only interested in me when I'm convenient, When I dont need any up-keep as one of my good friends put it. They often come to me, dropping there problems and there issues in my lap. Now I'm not even remotely suggesting that I mind this at all. I rejoice in the fact that my friends know they can come to me when they need me.
However, I've been thinking alot lately, and while I do so enjoy listening to other people. I'm beginning to realize that often enough it's me that needs someone to talk to. Now, after stating that I would like to elaborate on it, often times my time online is spent, in the most part, listening to people bitch about one thing or another. This is good, it's natural for me, I always have a driving urge to help those I care about. Recently I've had some rather tough times, and it's done a lot to show me who my real friends are. It bothers me when one morning someone comes to me, begging my ear for one bicker or another, and then, on the next day or even that night I would be in a serious bad place and go to them for help and support, and all I receive is a stiff shoulder and mono-syllabic responses.
I suppose this could be viewed as a step in the right direction, now I know I can't rely on most of these people. I know who I can count on, who I can lean on, who I can love, and now I know who I need to keep at arms distance from my true feelings. This won't stop me from being there when these people need me. While I am a bitter jerk sometimes, I never have and never will turn away a friend in need. Some might see this as a flaw, as me laying myself down and painting the words "walk on me" across my chest, but I chose to see it as me, being who I want to be. I want to be someone you know you can rely on, I want to be someone you can trust, I need to be someone you can love..
However, I've been thinking alot lately, and while I do so enjoy listening to other people. I'm beginning to realize that often enough it's me that needs someone to talk to. Now, after stating that I would like to elaborate on it, often times my time online is spent, in the most part, listening to people bitch about one thing or another. This is good, it's natural for me, I always have a driving urge to help those I care about. Recently I've had some rather tough times, and it's done a lot to show me who my real friends are. It bothers me when one morning someone comes to me, begging my ear for one bicker or another, and then, on the next day or even that night I would be in a serious bad place and go to them for help and support, and all I receive is a stiff shoulder and mono-syllabic responses.
I suppose this could be viewed as a step in the right direction, now I know I can't rely on most of these people. I know who I can count on, who I can lean on, who I can love, and now I know who I need to keep at arms distance from my true feelings. This won't stop me from being there when these people need me. While I am a bitter jerk sometimes, I never have and never will turn away a friend in need. Some might see this as a flaw, as me laying myself down and painting the words "walk on me" across my chest, but I chose to see it as me, being who I want to be. I want to be someone you know you can rely on, I want to be someone you can trust, I need to be someone you can love..
posted by Unknown at 10:40 PM
1 Comments:
Yah, you and me need to stick together, Justin. We're just too damn nice to people. Of course, I usually use Caycie or someone else to yell at people for me ..because I just don't wanna hurt anyones feelings. I rarely tell people about my problems because I know that I won't get anything out of it anyway, so why bother. But, you are one of those people I can always count on...and I hope you feel the same way about me... -huggles-
~Jenn~
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