Nervous

Hmmm tomorrow is my annual doctors appointment for my back, to fill that gap I have a slight curve in my spine. It isn't debilitating but it does cause some discomfort sometimes but nothing serious. Tomorrow I will find out if I need to have surgery to straighten my back out. The very concept of back surgery frightens me senseless, I mean if the surgeon sneezes or something I will be paralyzed for the rest of my life..Some people have noticed I have been moderately anti-social tonight at least what passes for anti-social with me. I don't know why this bothers me the way it does but it always has, there is also the possibility that I'll die in the surgery. Somehow to me living my life paralyzed is more frightening than being dead....

But - on to brighter subjects....My ribs don't hurt nearly as bad as they did, I can almost breathe normally again. So when I went out to meet Mr. Vance to weigh the calfs this morning, all went well until one of the calfs jumped..and I mean literally leaped out of the shoot and one hoof landed squarely on my foot, leaving a good sized bruise. Later after Vance left, I was feeding and watering and the calf that has been giving me to the problems and trying to kill me, kicks me directly in the shin. I'm almost positive that that is going to bruise also.

I think the source of my nervous feelings and anxiety is that I've been noticing my back pains more often, perhaps due to the close proximity of the doctors appointment but my mind seems to want me to think that I am going to have to get this surgery. Part of me wants this surgery, I know thats true, but i dont know how I would handle having to get it..this post would have been more acurrately titled Twisted emotions or something but I dont want to change it now, Anyway..I will report tomorrow with what happens...toodles..